Please grant me the ability to interview well so that I may find a new job.

And the ability to run more easily in the heat.

These two things would bring me more happiness than you know.

I have started to bike ride a lot more this summer. It's just too hot to run. If I had the willpower to get up and run in the morning i think the weather would be fine. But every time I set my alarm to run at 5:15am I manage to finagle the blaring alarm off and sleep right through it. Cycling in the evening is fun. It works my legs, gets my heart rate up a bit, and creates a nice breeze. My shoulders and arms on the other hand are aching and have become so sore. So apparently it's a good workout for my upper body too and I lack strength the most there so I think I will continue biking until at least September.

Love is not some fuzzy feeling in your stomach. That is infatuation. And it's not the warm emotion radiating from your heart or mind. That's a feeling and feelings can be unstable.

Love is keeping quiet when your spouse says something that embarrasses you in front of a room full of people. It's not retaliating or holding resentment. It's being humble and mindful of the fullness of what you have been given in that spouse.


..overheard from someone at the eye doctor..

Overheard on the radio..and oh so true.

Friends are not square pictures on the side of your facebook page.
And conversations are not how fast you can type on your phone.

I like when people can still hold nitty gritty social habits and actually have some accountability.

I had the best birthday ever. I had great company. And I got gifts from my b.f. that actually suit me. All of them seemed exactly on my level and very well thought out. I had the impression that men never get women well thought out gifts. Apparently i was wrong. Either that or he is a good last minute gifter. But I think he just kinda knows what I would like and still kept it simple. Which is what I like. The most awesome thing was that I got a pandora charm..after all the other gifts. Totally fooled while I was fixing my hair. A sly smile and a little pandora charm box. He gets me every time. So charming.

I greatly dislike my bookshelf that resides in my apartment. I have loathed it ever since I received it as a gift on Christmas several years ago. Really who gives a girl a freaking unpainted bookshelf for Christmas? It's a terrible present. I was angry but of course you can't act angry when people give you presents. So I just gritted my teeth and painted that stinking bookshelf. P.s. I suck at painting. And I have toted that bookshelf all around to my different homes for like four years. However now I have had the urge to just set the thing on fire (don't worry I would take it outside first). It's just a bookshelf. I don't know why I dislike it so much. Mostly I think it has to do with that fact that it's this big piece of furniture with negative feelings surrounding it stuck directly in the middle of my nice new positive life...and I just want to get rid of all the old stuff (i/e people, places, feelings, things..even if that includes a poorly painted bookshelf).
Maybe I could just repaint it. Ahh thus my indecisive self comes in...what color would i choose...

In church today I learned that Love is the most important thing in life. Nothing else matters. So just love.

However, I also learned (and this is in the scripture) that Satan seeks our Hearts. That is why we feel so conflicted between things sometimes.
Between light and darkness/good and bad/temptations and purity.
God owns your soul and wants your heart. But it's your responsibility to be a christian and fight for you Heart b/c certain things will always be trying to steal your heart from God. So seek light but know that people love evil and darkness. And do not get discouraged if your light is constantly being challenged by others around you. The path to light is narrow. The road to darkness is wide.

Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. He does this just to trick you. And it will test your true discipline and character.

Burdens and pains will keep you back from your life. and nothing and no one can make it right. only yourself and forgiveness. now if only I could live and let live.

I am pretty sure I miss that light of my world already. And it only went out an hour ago. Or really the conversation started about three hours ago, but it was exhausting and bad and we are new and so I can't be certain what exactly went on but what I do know is that I am not the light in his life. And I don't blame him. But hell he swore up and down that he was the person. What a let down. Of course I lost more faith in the humanity of people and the goodness in me. But mostly I think I will miss him. He was kind of all encompassing tenderness.

“You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.”

Matthew 5:14

Happy Birthday Ashleigh

Happy Quarter of Century to my absolute favorite red head. And that's not because she is my only red headed friend...or because when I first met her my sole purpose in befriending her was because she had long red hair..she really is my favorite red head. I mean it's hard to find pretty red heads. And she is gorgeous so I just had to know her. It just so happened that once I got to know her she had a fantastically fun personality with the charm of a southern belle and the drive of a bull. Plus she makes me laugh. And she listens. To everything.


And that's her just chatting and smiling on the phone. So cute ;) She will probably want to kill me posting this photo. Bahhahahaha Happy 25th!

Taylor Swift Tickets are in the bag! She completes me.
I won't have to pay for them on ebay. The most wonderful husband bought two sets for Caroline and I. Yes he is that awesome!!! He got tickets to both the Charlotte show and Greensboro :) No he isn't my husband. He belongs to Caroline. But Gosh I am so thankful he is crafty and quick in his online ticket purchasing skills, because I would just die without Taylor Swift tickets.

Last year I did get see the T Swift concert but in all honesty I didn't buy them on ticketmaster. I tried to but they sold out in 2 minutes. So I was devastated when I clicked through and couldn't get tickets. It said "sorry sold out" literally just as soon as they went on sale. I moped around for about 4 months thinking I wasn't going to get to see Taylor. Until...gifter face bought them for me on Ebay.

So thankfully since I don't have loads of money to buy them on ebay, I got smarter. I joined the fan club to know when the pre sale tickets go on sale. And I got lucky because I have a super awesome friend (Caroline) who is married to a man (Adam) that knows our love for Taylor and he sat on his computer while at work (because I can't get on while I'm at work) and typed in the fan club code at pre sale ticket time and bam got us tickets!!!

Ahhh Love. I love my friends and of course Taylor Swift.

I drove to Wilmington today for a baby shower. And oh gosh as soon as I saw that water I ached to live there again. Actually as soon as I get into Wilmington I dread driving back to Raleigh. Wilmington is so familiar. I just don't like Raleigh, never have. Something about the daily grind. And I am an ocean girl. I like the air, the breeze, the sun across the water. I like all the different runs I know through Wilmington, Wrightsville Beach, and Carolina Beach. Memories of all the beautiful times. I even like the people in Wilmington better. Everyone is much nicer and more laid back at the beach. I think that is why I avoid going back to visit..because everytime I do I just hate hate hate driving back to Raleigh. And I already miss Wilmington so badly so it just rubs salt in the wound to visit just for a day but never get to stay.

But today when I came home to Raleigh, I had flowers waiting for me, so that made coming home better ;)

The way you move is like a full on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards
That should send me runnin'
But I kinda know that I won't get far
And you stood there in front of me
Just close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking of

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

My mind forgets to remind me
You're a bad idea
You touch me once and it's really something,
You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be.
I'm on my guard for the rest of the world
But with you I know it's no good

--Taylor Swift (Sparks Fly)

it is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little or no motivation but....

Love in its truest sense is not based on feelings but a determination to show thoughtful actions, even when there seems to be no reward.

I want to go the extra miles for others because I want them to do the same for me. I want to give and give and give because it's what I have always done and I assume others should be generous with their hearts, minds, time, etc too. I really wanted to see the good in people. And I go back to October all the time. And I've been let down before but I've always bounced back. But that time I lost all faith in people. It hasn't come back yet. I'm not sure it will. I don't see the good in anyone anymore. And anyone can and will deceive you.

running becomes the soul search.

best friends with the word regret
afraid that your life's been wasted
why hope if it's only gonna let you down
You don't think people really change
That you’re a mess and you'll always be the same
And you doubt if you'll ever get it turned around

So you've been running,
searching for something

From the shadows, From the wrong roads
From the darkness, From the unknown

To redemption, Something beautiful
To a new love

So I went skiing yesterday which was a ton of fun. However I am no pro. And I did take one crash, and sadly it wasn't on the slope-it was trying to get off the dang ski lift. Well my hand kind of got stuck between the rail that comes down on your lap and the chair; so when I went to push off the chair and onto the snow/off the lift my hand was caught- I pulled it to free it, then promptly fell onto the ground since my skis and ski rods were all twisted by that point too. The same hand that was caught went crunching under my body to catch my fall. It didn't really hurt at the time but then again I couldn't feel my fingers since it was so cold and my gloves weren't warm enough (either that or I have poor circulation in the tips of my fingers).

Anyhow when I woke up this morning I felt a throbbing pain in my pinkie finger and after having some trouble washing my hair and brushing my teeth I decided I should have a look at my finger and figure out what was going on...this is the mangled mess that I saw ;)


So the moral of my story is that I can handle sporty activities. However I am quite clumsy mostly when it comes to sitting, walking, or standing still. That's slightly embarrassing but I'm over it and used to it. Also it took me a good 16 hrs to figure out that my finger was bothering me more than what I consider "normal pain" therefore I think my pain threshold is pretty high.

The world is filled with people who do ugly things.
Everyone has a reason for the ugly things they do.

Oh my....my favorite appliance the washer machine, or is it called a washing machine? I'm not really certain. Either way-I love to wash things. I probably run a load of laundry every other day. And now my washing machine has decided to die!!!

Apparently it ran its' last load. Of course it leaked water all over my floor too.

I hadn't really planned on buying a new one anytime soon. I guess I could look on craigslist for a used/cheapish one but I wonder how reliable that would be..

It's been one of those days. Or weeks really. I feel like I can hear people talking but I am so far away. I can't seem to make the connection between my life and me.

On this great day in history Ninety five years ago my great grandmother, Evangeline Blood was born! I tried to pick her out a really pretty birthday card since she deserves something very fancy for 95 years on Earth. I like the quote inside.
Though she isn't in this photo below (because she couldn't travel)..she did start it all.
To my great grandmother-HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

now I have a cashmere sweater in my favorite color-green!

I wish JCrew.com would stop sending me those emails with 30% off discount codes.
I click on them when I have insomnia.
Which has been quite frequent recently.
And today I received two more sweaters that I have no recollection of buying online (apparently I was that tired)
I mean I love cashmere sweaters...but I just had to clear another shelf to make room for them.

"It is better to be home alone than to be home and wish you were alone"

"Marry a man who adores you. When you find that, it won't matter if Angelina Jolie is in the room."


Quotes I heard on The Bachelor tonight. Silly reality television. Essentially good quotes though.

New Year Resolutions

I don't normally make Resolutions but I find that this will be my year for improvements.
I need to work on just me. What will make me happy, successful, secure, and safe.

So I think the following things I could vastly improve upon.
This year I resolve to:

1. Be Positive and Happy I have much to be thankful for
2. Not swear/curse/cuss I have a wide vocabulary, there are plenty of other words to use
3. Be Forgiving though I must remind myself forgiveness is not the same as settling
4. Give more hugs/physical touch I am going to need some serious work on this one
5. Volunteer

And for good emotional health and because I have always wanted to
7. Travel somewhere Exotic