it is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little or no motivation but....

Love in its truest sense is not based on feelings but a determination to show thoughtful actions, even when there seems to be no reward.

I want to go the extra miles for others because I want them to do the same for me. I want to give and give and give because it's what I have always done and I assume others should be generous with their hearts, minds, time, etc too. I really wanted to see the good in people. And I go back to October all the time. And I've been let down before but I've always bounced back. But that time I lost all faith in people. It hasn't come back yet. I'm not sure it will. I don't see the good in anyone anymore. And anyone can and will deceive you.

running becomes the soul search.

best friends with the word regret
afraid that your life's been wasted
why hope if it's only gonna let you down
You don't think people really change
That you’re a mess and you'll always be the same
And you doubt if you'll ever get it turned around

So you've been running,
searching for something

From the shadows, From the wrong roads
From the darkness, From the unknown

To redemption, Something beautiful
To a new love

So I went skiing yesterday which was a ton of fun. However I am no pro. And I did take one crash, and sadly it wasn't on the slope-it was trying to get off the dang ski lift. Well my hand kind of got stuck between the rail that comes down on your lap and the chair; so when I went to push off the chair and onto the snow/off the lift my hand was caught- I pulled it to free it, then promptly fell onto the ground since my skis and ski rods were all twisted by that point too. The same hand that was caught went crunching under my body to catch my fall. It didn't really hurt at the time but then again I couldn't feel my fingers since it was so cold and my gloves weren't warm enough (either that or I have poor circulation in the tips of my fingers).

Anyhow when I woke up this morning I felt a throbbing pain in my pinkie finger and after having some trouble washing my hair and brushing my teeth I decided I should have a look at my finger and figure out what was going on...this is the mangled mess that I saw ;)


So the moral of my story is that I can handle sporty activities. However I am quite clumsy mostly when it comes to sitting, walking, or standing still. That's slightly embarrassing but I'm over it and used to it. Also it took me a good 16 hrs to figure out that my finger was bothering me more than what I consider "normal pain" therefore I think my pain threshold is pretty high.

The world is filled with people who do ugly things.
Everyone has a reason for the ugly things they do.

Oh my....my favorite appliance the washer machine, or is it called a washing machine? I'm not really certain. Either way-I love to wash things. I probably run a load of laundry every other day. And now my washing machine has decided to die!!!

Apparently it ran its' last load. Of course it leaked water all over my floor too.

I hadn't really planned on buying a new one anytime soon. I guess I could look on craigslist for a used/cheapish one but I wonder how reliable that would be..

It's been one of those days. Or weeks really. I feel like I can hear people talking but I am so far away. I can't seem to make the connection between my life and me.

On this great day in history Ninety five years ago my great grandmother, Evangeline Blood was born! I tried to pick her out a really pretty birthday card since she deserves something very fancy for 95 years on Earth. I like the quote inside.
Though she isn't in this photo below (because she couldn't travel)..she did start it all.
To my great grandmother-HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

now I have a cashmere sweater in my favorite color-green!

I wish JCrew.com would stop sending me those emails with 30% off discount codes.
I click on them when I have insomnia.
Which has been quite frequent recently.
And today I received two more sweaters that I have no recollection of buying online (apparently I was that tired)
I mean I love cashmere sweaters...but I just had to clear another shelf to make room for them.

"It is better to be home alone than to be home and wish you were alone"

"Marry a man who adores you. When you find that, it won't matter if Angelina Jolie is in the room."


Quotes I heard on The Bachelor tonight. Silly reality television. Essentially good quotes though.

New Year Resolutions

I don't normally make Resolutions but I find that this will be my year for improvements.
I need to work on just me. What will make me happy, successful, secure, and safe.

So I think the following things I could vastly improve upon.
This year I resolve to:

1. Be Positive and Happy I have much to be thankful for
2. Not swear/curse/cuss I have a wide vocabulary, there are plenty of other words to use
3. Be Forgiving though I must remind myself forgiveness is not the same as settling
4. Give more hugs/physical touch I am going to need some serious work on this one
5. Volunteer

And for good emotional health and because I have always wanted to
7. Travel somewhere Exotic